What’s the Difference?

We live in a world where resting is looked down upon or we have a twisted view of it. So let’s break it down.

First, I don’t want to shame or guilt anyone for spending hours a day in front of a TV or playing video games. This is something that I have shame with and am currently trying to break out of. Most of the time, at least for me and from what I’ve seen, these actions are coping mechanisms.

Coping mechanisms are ways that our brains try to protect us from hard memories, feelings, and life in general. They are ways that help us stay alive. And even if the world, our families, and our friends may look down upon some of them - and yes, some can and do turn into really harmful, toxic addictions - coping mechanisms start out as a way of protection.

But this isn’t a conversation about coping mechanisms, this is about rest.

Rest, real rest is about refilling and replenishing your soul. You need it the most when you feel at your worst. When you feel dried out and burnt out, like you can’t give anymore of yourself. If you’ve reached this point you’ve gone too far.

Rest goes hand in hand with self care. It means taking time to do things that take care of yourself. They are things that help you body, mind, and soul. Yes, this can come out by playing video games and watching TV.

But to know what works best you, what will fill you up and makes you feel better is getting to know yourself. It’s getting to know what actually feels like rest. Not work, not coping, not running away, not numbing, and not doing something just because your friend does it, but actual rest.

Part of the difficulty with self care and rest means that you have to care about yourself. When you take time for yourself, you are showing love to yourself. And let me tell you, isn’t that the hardest thing to do when you don’t actually love yourself? Let alone like who you are?

Self care and rest are the first steps in learning how to love yourself. It’s the first step in speaking up for yourself and knowing who you are and what your body wants. But it’s also one of the most difficult things to do.

I’ve been on a journey to learn self care and how to rest properly for nearly 4 years and let me tell you it’s almost painful when you start because it feels wrong. Especially when you’ve not been resting correctly your entire life. Or if you’ve never felt like you are worth much or if you have any value.

Learning your value and your worth can often take a lifetime, but some little ways that will help are by learning how to rest and how to rest well.

Part of life, from what I’m discovering, is about taking a step back and evaluating what is working for you in that moment. Are your actions leading you to a more fulfilling life? Are they pushing you to grow and strive to do better or are they keeping you in one place? Are you moving towards bodily health? Mental health? Spiritual health? And remember, all these things work together so if you push yourself to grow in one area of your life, another will follow.

And if you are an expert rester/self carer then how can you stretch yourself even more? How can you pour into others or your community or the environment?

I guess a big question is, how can we be better, well rounded humans who love people we know and don’t know, the environment, and ourselves all the while being willing to grow and take accountability for our actions. For being able to admit when we’re wrong and say we’re sorry in order to restore ourselves and other relationships. To spur each other on and grow.

They’re big questions and ones that don’t have clean cut answers because the world isn’t clean cut. We live in the gray, muddied, and confusing world - so, let’s get on that boat together and try to sort our way through it.

But in the meantime, I’m gonna stretch out, look up at the clouds, and take a nap.