let’s call out: SEX & SEXUALITY
Let’s talk about sex baby. Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good times and the bad times….Let’s talk about sex. That is the resounding song in my head in regards to this topic.
This topic is broad and I won’t do it justice with this one post. To say I want to talk about sex and sexuality should lead to the question in how? In what way, through what lens? The reason I’m putting them together is because I want to look at them in the way sex and sexuality effects our every day lives.
It’s screamed throughout media and culture in general that we have to strive to have sex. Have the most partners, have the best sex of our lives. In order to do that we have to look a certain way, have a certain job, have a certain car or house or whatever. Sex sells.
Sex is the thing we should be striving for - at least that’s what we’re told by the world. But when we look at everyday life, relationships between friends, spouses, lovers - sex can be confusing and difficult and a major spot of contention.
Religion often steps in and says you have to wait to have sex and if you don’t you’re shamed for that. Those that wait can and sometimes do have difficulties with their bodies, with their spouses bodies, and just self-confidence in general.
Because culture screams that we should be having sex all the time, shame steps in again when we choose to abstain. We are ridiculed for having too little or too much or not in the way that is deemed “appropriate” in normal society.
Walking hand in hand with this is our sexuality - I’m not just talking about whether you identify as heterosexual or a part of the LGBTQ+ community even though that is absolutely part of this conversation - I’m also talking about how our sexuality is viewed by us and the rest of the world.
I, myself, identify as a heterosexual but I have heard from friends who are part of the LGBTQ+ community the shame that comes from coming out. Our society has norms that we stick to for one reason or another and when someone goes against it, that person is quickly shamed. No matter your beliefs, your religion, or your stance no one should be shamed.
Shame says you aren’t worthy for being who you are. You aren’t worthy for even existing.
That’s not true.
Everyone has worth. Everyone has value. I am not here to tell people my beliefs and my stances on certain issues - most of which are incredibly complex and I’m still sorting them out. What I am here to say is that everyone has worth. Everyone is loved just for being them.
For being alive.
Sex and sexuality are ingrained in who we are as humans. We were born with a sexual drive and to be sexual beings. That is not something that can be changed, smothered, or pushed to the side.
Understanding this side to yourself, to myself, helps to complete the picture of who we are as humans and to live a more holistic and healthier life.
I’m certainly on a mission to understanding every part of myself.
If you feel shamed for who you are, I’m sorry. You were made to be sexual. You were made to be whole. I hope and pray you find a little bit of love in your life. Find a community or even find some here.
This topic is huge and I’m only just opening the door to it. I don’t know how long I’ll be sitting with sex and sexuality but if you want to join me on this ride, I’d be glad to have you.