let’s call out: LETTING GO
I’m gonna be real with you. This one is difficult for me. It’s so hard for me to do.
To me, letting go often feels like giving up on a person. It feels like I failed. So, I hang on. I try to keep the relationship going in my mind for as long as I can even if everything ended in disaster. All because, I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to lose that person and the potential that I see in them.
I see the best in everyone and often it makes me come across as naive. I’m not. I know that shitty person is shitty. But I also can see their potential if they just stop acting on behaviors and temptations that will hurt them. I can see how good of a person and a life they can have. That’s why I hang on in relationships too long and why I hang on too long in my head.
But in doing that, I’ve come to hurt myself. I’m damaging my own self worth and self respect. That shitty person will stay shitty and I can’t make them change. Truth is, no one can except their own will. And that’s a hard one to accept.
It’s hard to see people as they are - good and bad. It’s hard to see memories as they are - good and bad - but when you do, you start to free yourself. At least I have. I’m no longer holding onto the fantasies of people. I’m no longer holding onto the fantasies I’ve created.
Real life sucks. A lot. But, there is hope and there is life. Letting go often means seeing memories and people for as they are and not judging, not criticizing, but understanding. Then saying, thank you. I forgive you. I forgive myself. And releasing that pain.
If you’ve come across this post and we knew each other. If we had a complicated past or relationship and it ended in a way that was messy and difficult. (I know that’s a little vague but, you’ll get it if it’s you.) This next part is for you specifically.
I’m sorry for my part in hurting you. I hope one day you can forgive me. I cherish every memory, good and bad. I’ve learned a lot from you in good and bad ways. I pray one day you get the healing and the help you need to be complete and fully loved in ways I will never know or experience. And I’m not gonna ask to be apart of your life, that’s unfair to you and to me. If our paths cross again, I hope we can settle differences and meet one another in peace, understanding, and love. You are forgiven and loved by a God who does not see you in shame but accepts you as you are. Even if you can’t feel that yet, He does. He does not run from you. He does not turn away. He will always accept you even if I struggle to do so. Take care, friend.