When it’s Not Ok to Wear a Mask

Masks. There are some famous ones out there: the Phantom, the Iron Mask, Jim Carrey’s The Mask. Perhaps the most famous that not enough people talk about is the one perpetuated by the church.

Now hang with me here.

As a church body we are supposed to welcome all the hurt and lost however the most hurt and lost ones tend to be those already in the building. But, we don’t address that issue. We don’t like to acknowledge it.

After all, we’re the chosen people. God’s people. We can’t be screw ups like the rest of the world. We have to be perfect like Jesus was perfect. That’s what he called us to be so we have to be it.

Gag me with a spoon.

Week after week people walk into the church hiding what’s actually going on in their lives just so they can smile, sing a few songs, feel something, then leave. I’ve done it. I’ve known many people that have also done it.

Your life could be falling apart but you take a deep breath, wipe tears from your eyes, and walk into the building anyway. It’s like the only acceptable tears to cry in the building are those brought on by the Spirit of God.

Here’s the thing, when we do this we ignore our feelings as well as the validity of the church. The church is supposed to be the one place where we can go when we’re broken and hurting. It’s supposed to be the place we can go where we don’t have to wear a mask.

If we take a look at the Bible and the teachings of Jesus we find that he cares about how we’re doing, how we’re feeling, our emotions, and our heart. But at church we aren’t allowed, or given the space, for those things.

Now, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the case in all churches. There are many that hold space and have communities that lift each other up. But not always. Putting on masks to pretend we’re fine so we can help those “less fortunate” than ourselves is a trend I have witnessed in my own church, in the generations above me, as well as with my friends.

So, really, why do we keep doing this? Why do we keep rejecting ourselves all in the name of Christianity?

I think there’s a few reasons, and you can disagree with me if you’d like.

One, Christianity has a core belief of helping those who are below us. That kind of mentality immediately creates this I’m better than you dynamic.

Which we could break down even further and go all political, but let’s not do that right now.

Two, the other side of this belief is being a servant to everyone, especially those in positions of power above you. This mentality can produce the idea that you are lesser and everyone is better than you are.

Three, on a whole, we aren’t good with emotions. Millennials and Gen Zers are paving the way to start talking about them and creating space but, this is new. Vulnerability in social circles is rare. It’s really only kept to family, if your family does that sort of thing, and therapy.

Now these beliefs are good. They’re taught by Jesus and shown through his example that we can live a healthy life doing both - which is really only one belief. The catch is that we’re never supposed to neglect ourselves. That’s not an idea that is taught in the Bible.

We are supposed to care about ourselves. We’re supposed to love our bodies, our minds, our hearts. Yet we reject those things in self-flagellation and self-hate because we think we don’t matter. The church tells us other people matter more so we try to reflect that.

There are other reasons to hide who we are in a community that’s supposed to love us unconditionally. Things like we were taught love comes with conditions so how can we ever imagine a God that doesn’t have them. Things like society tells us we don’t matter because of our looks, our gender, our beliefs and if the church also spews similar speech then how can we ever trust them. Or even something simple like there’s too much shit happening and you just want some sense of normalcy in a place you can trust that’s not going to be different and is going to feel safe.

Whatever the reason the fact remains the same. We put on masks in order to hide our true selves in a place and around people that should and would accept us for who we are no matter what. To let that mask come off and reveal who we really are takes a lot of strength.

Sometimes not even we know what’s underneath and that can be terrifying. That thought alone can make us not want to remove our masks.

It’s not ok that the church perpetuates this idea that to be Christian means we have to be smiling and happy all the time. That we have to greet everyone with a handshake and a hug.

It is ok to be depressed, to be lonely, to be hurt, to be broken and think the world is going to shit whether you sit in a pew or on a curb.